What on Earth to do is always the question. People such as myself are like to forget it, to stay in the mind where all is good & well. Still.The world of physicality is where we wake every morning, blessed to be able to continue the exercise of love as a verb, though we fail & fall, look to the sky & right into the muddy earth, teeming with insects & microbes. At times it is as quicksand, the greater the struggle to free oneself the deeper one goes & faster too. At times visits are shorter, more like gardening, you can see what is planted as you go and so the cleansing process is a more peaceful one. At least you are able to see that you're merely gardening, not just dying. This may help the reader at some point- what my mother taught me about swimming is that if you close your eyes and breathe deeply, you float. It's true. But back to Earth now. The world of malchut, the scent of Earth; frightening & welcoming to equal degree. Now isn't that odd? How to make our own messy processes sweet smelling as they happen. How to look at news feeds full of humans behaving very, very badly without reducing them (I say it mindfully) to monsters when it seems they have reduced themselves thusly. The heartbreak of it. Knowingness next that you, the human viewing apparent proof of atrocities would not be able to see them if the strength to see then do was not in you. That were it not relevant to your soul & purpose on earth, it would not exist for you. Holy hell indeed. What on Earth to do then, what on Earth to do? Lists. All right, a point to start. Animal abuse, child abuse, all manner of power abuses, institutional abuses, racially motivated abuse, subliminal prejudices contributing to abuse, religion gone awry, patriarchal system abuse, financial system abuse. People not agreeing what constitutes abuse. In the physical world, it's a crisis of compassion. I think I've written on this somewhere before, yes. Now I'm Kabbalistically trained to know better than to look at physicality and believe that's the end of it. In fact, I had the great fortune to steep in it for 3 or 4 years. I think I have helped friends & strangers (even some who may consider me an enemy) because of it, I hope so. G*d knows though I still have days I'm at my wits end, which I suppose is partly to remind me that it's not all about my wits. Yeeeeah, I knew that though. All right. Start again.
What you see is who you're here for. No question. Also, that which terrifies the individual does so for a reason. It furthers growth, and prepares one for such a time when loving action CAN be taken, if it cannot be taken immediately. Yes, pain & searching questions until the opportunity is placed before your soul to take a direction. That's one face of growth & it's necessary. Now this is quite a note to self this morning, because I'm off kilter, I'm upset. I'm growing. Am I healing? I don't really know what it means, but I know it itches, and if this isn't a cosmic itch I don't know what is. Writing like this, too, always itches like hell. As Dorothy Parker said, "I hate writing, I love having written". I find my own astonishing amount of imperfections appalling, it's true. As far as judging others, I've only recently, in the past 4 or 5 years, been able to turn loving those who truly irritate me from theory to practice. Not that I'm done. Oh, but do I Love, yes I do. That much is True, True as blue. It's moving too, head to heart to arms & through, right through to you.
Palm City, FL Sunday 2-12-2015
Thank you Spiritual Coffeehouse at Unity of Stuart
Thank you to an old friend who likely knows who she is for our (too brief) conversation this morning.
I also made some sweet little guest size valentine soaps. One went to the employee bathroom at work, the other will be a surprise for my mom. She doesn't do social media, so this shouldn't be a spoiler! Brambleberry micas again.
Although I must currently mind my pennies ever more tightly, I still had enough oils & lye for another loaf, and enough colorants on hand to try the "hanger swirl". I had been wanting to try one for some time, and an idea beamed into my head about trying to make a heart shape, which seemed like simple shape & good learning project. I love to try new things, but don't so much love to work on perfecting them. Ahem.
The hanger swirl is so named, I take it, because people bent wire hangers to the shape they needed. I could only find plastic hangers, not of the size that would fit. I stumbled on some floral wire, & made my "hanger" out of that.
Next, I mixed the oils, lye & fragrance, putting some in a seperate pot so I could add the mica, Brambleberry's Merlot Sparkle. I poured the colored soap in the bottom of the loaf pan in an even layer, then spooned the uncolored soap in on top. I'm not mentioning the fragrance oil specifically, because it ended up discoloring quite badly, but it is wine scented. I then attempted to draw a heart in the middle of the soap loaf with the hanger, straight down through the middle then up in a diagonal, curving up & down the middle again several times on each side. To make a long process short, when I cut them in the morning, this is what I had.
As you can see, it almost worked. Much like Johnny & Winona. Since it's partly not there, I give you the soap's title.. Wino Forever.